Updated: Feb 2
Written February 1, 2021 by CL Smith
When you are living with grief, there is nothing worse than an entire month filled with romance, roses, chocolate hearts, and Valentine’s Day to make you feel even more alone in your situation. Where is your loved one to surprise you with a candy kiss or a simple date night without the kids? Who will take your hand while out for an evening stroll and kiss your fingers tenderly? Where's the love when you need it most?
Once the service, celebration or funeral is over, it can feel as if everyone forgets your grief. "Time to get on with life" seems to be the mantra, when all you want to do is curl up in a ball and hide under the safety of your blankets for an eternity. After the fog and numbness lifts, the pain takes over. Does no one remember your situation and your loved one and the grief bag you are left holding? Are we the only ones who have ever felt this much pain.
We can do a lot of angry analyzing of feelings, our internal focus on others and their external actions because it's difficult to cope with the loss of normalcy in life. The feelings and the pain of the loss of any love is overwhelming.
It is also a very lonely feeling.
It is not uncommon to feel alone in the grief process. The fear of sharing the burden and discussing what you're going through can be crippling. What if no one listens? What if my troubles are seen inconveniencing someone? What if no one understands what I'm going through? What if I'm being whiny and just need to suck it up? Or worse yet, what if no one cares?
As of today, February 1, 2021, there have been 2.2 million deaths due to just the COVID-19 pandemic. That's not including death from natural causes, suicides, accidents, overdoses, and war. That total is 5 million deaths worldwide just for the month of January 2021.
Staggering to think about, isn't it?
We usually don't think in terms of all those other people grieving those deaths. So many people are grieving every day, regardless of the month. That is why I'm saying we're not alone in this hot mess called life. We can live in grief and we can live in the month of Love called February.
Reach out to someone and spill the beans that is your grief. It's okay to let others know that you're not okay. They are probably hiding that fact that they may not be okay either. Sit down over coffee, tea, or wine and just let it go. Lay your grief cards on the table.
And if they don't seem to be listening or care, don't worry. They are. It just can take some time to process grief, especially if it touches their own grief. Let them know that you just need them to listen.
If you're worried about unburdening yourself too much or making life awkward for some reason, have a Grief party or create a Grief Coffee Club. You will be surprised on how many people are eager to share their grief load with others.
And always remember, we are not alone in this journey called grief. Keep reaching out until someone reaches back. That's really what love is all about.